The last 12 months have been a fairly difficult one for me. Just 2 weeks ago, a friend whom I considered fairly close, whom I have lost contact for 2 years, broke my heart. I finally managed to locate her husband on the net and when I tried to contact her, was told very politely but coldly by her that she is purposely cutting off all contact from everyone she knows from Singapore. She has been living overseas for many years now but we have always kept in contact. The last time we emailed each other was 2 years ago and we have always been able to talk about almost everything personal. From her email, I know she must have had her reasons and I respect her decision and I tried not to take it personally but still it was a blow to me.
10 months ago, my father passed on after an excruciatingly painful episode of 8 months in the ICU and another 6 months of complete bed-bound home stay. Although we were prepared and even somewhat relieved that he has gone on to a better place, the realization of that loss is only slowly being felt now, even though we had a very traditional “Chinese-family” relationship with him. And just about 2 months before my father passed on, I had another whammy of being cut-off from another person’s life whom I have always considered a friend, I even thought there were many similarities in how we think. It took me many months to piece together the “puzzle” of why it happened but eventually the realization was that she had always disliked me! I had absolutely no idea! That was the most painful part to swallow.
But through it all, there were many blessings for me to count as well! I have 2 sisters who rallied around one another to go through the difficult period of my father’s illness! I don’t know how I would have been able to survive through it all without them! And I have friends who rallied around me to comfort me too when I was crying and not understanding it all! You know who you are! And through the upheavals, I have 2 angelic faces who still tell me every night “I love you, mummy!” regardless of how impatient I have been with them throughout the day because I have been having a rough day! They truly are angels sent by God to someone as undeserving as me! I thank God for them every day!
As I draw near to the end of the year, I am looking forward to a brand new year! And I resolve to do better, to treasure my family more, to spend more time with friends who truly care for me, to spend more time on things that goes toward the eternity than toward the transient. I am feeling particularly melancholic today but getting this off my chest has been great! December I know is going to be a wonderful month of getting off work and spending lots of time with the family going on trips, at least 3 trips, mind you! And I know 2014 is just going to get better!